Let me get one thing off my chest from the get-go here, I’m much more a fan of Zappa’s story than I am his music. Blasphemy you say? Well, try to find a song of his that can compete with stories of his early life in Harford County. Zappa’s dad worked at what was then known as Edgewood Arsenal, but today is known as the Edgewood Area of Aberdeen Proving Ground. Zappa’s got some pretty good recollections from those days, including tasting DDT and wearing space helmets that left you to drown in your own vomit. Good stuff.
Here’s some of that story from Wikipedia:

Frank Zappa was born in Baltimore, Maryland, on December 21, 1940 to Francis Zappa (born in Partinico, Sicily) who was of Greek-Arab descent, and Rose Marie Colimore who was of three quarters Italian and one quarter French descent. He was the oldest of four children (two brothers and a sister). During Zappa’s childhood, the family often moved because his father, a chemist and mathematician, had various jobs in the US defense industry. After a brief period in Florida in the mid-1940s, the family returned to Edgewood, Maryland where Zappa’s father got a job at the Edgewood Arsenal chemical warfare facility at nearby Aberdeen Proving Ground. Due to the home’s proximity to the Arsenal which stored mustard gas, Zappa’s father kept gas masks on hand in case of an accident. This had a profound effect on the young Zappa: references to germs, germ warfare and other aspects of the defense industry occur throughout his work.

As a child, Zappa was often sick, suffering from asthma, earaches and a sinus problem. A doctor treated the latter by inserting a pellet of radium on a probe into each of Zappa’s nostrils. Nasal imagery and references would appear both in his music and lyrics as well as in the collage album covers created by his long-time visual collaborator, Cal Schenkel. While little was known at the time about the potential dangers of living close to chemicals and being subjected to radiation, it is a fact that Zappa’s illnesses peaked when he lived in the Baltimore area.

Here’s a fascinating passage on Zappa’s childhood in Edgewood from The Real Frank Zappa Book by Frank Zappa:

My Dad was employed as a meteorologist at the Edgewood Arsenal. They made poison gas there during World War II, so I guess it would have been the meteorologist’s job to figure out which way the wind was blowing when it was time to shoot the stuff off.

He used to bring equipment home from the lab for me to play with: beakers, Florence flasks, little petri dishes full of mercury — blobs of mercury. I used to play with it all the time. The entire floor of my bedroom had this ‘muck’ on it, made out of mercury mixed with dust balls.

One of the things I used to like to do was pour the mercury on the floor and hit it with a hammer, so it squirted all over the place. I lived in mercury.

When DDT was first invented, my Dad brought some home — there was a whole bag of it in the closet. I didn’t eat it or anything, but he said that you could — it was supposed to be ’safe,’ it only killed bugs.

Sicilian parents do things differently. If I said I had an earache, my parents would heat up some olive oil and pour it in my ear — which hurts like a motherfucker — but they tell you it’s supposed to make it feel better. When you’re a kid, you don’t get to argue about it.

I spent the first five or six years of my life with cotton hanging out of my ears — yellow, from olive oil.

Along with my earaches and asthma, I had sinus trouble. There was some ‘new treatment’ for this ailment being discussed in the neighborhood. It involved stuffing radium into your sinus cavities. (Have you ever heard of this?) My parents took me to yet another Italian doctor, and, although I didn’t know what they were going to do to me, it didn’t sound like it was going to be too much fun. The doctor had a long wire thing — maybe a foot or more, and on the end was a pellet of radium. He stuffed it up my nose and into my sinus cavities on both sides. (I should probably check to see if my handkerchief is glowing in the dark.)

One of the other wonder remedies that had just come out then was sulfa. Winter was freezing cold in that house at 15 Dexter Street. The walls were so thin — it was like a cardboard house. We used to wear flannel trapdoor pajamas. In the mornings, to get warm, we stood by the coal stove in the kitchen.

On one occasion, the trapdoor on my younger brother’s pajamas caught fire. My Dad came running in and beat the fire out with his bare hands. Both his hands and my brother’s back were totally burned. The doctor put sulfa on them and neither of them got scarred.

My Dad used to help pay the rent by volunteering for human testing of chemical (maybe even biological) warfare agents. These were called ‘patch tests.’

The Army didn’t tell you what it was they were putting on your skin — and you agreed not to scratch it, or peek under the bandage — and they would pay you ten bucks per patch. Then they would take it off after a couple of weeks.

My Dad used to come home with three or four of those things on his arms and different parts of his body every week. I don’t know what the stuff was, or what long-range health effects it might have had on him (or on any of the children that were born after the time that they did it).

There were tanks of mustard gas within a mile of where we lived, so everybody in this housing project had to have a gas mask in the house, for each member of the family.

Mustard gas explodes the vessels in your lungs, causing you to drown in your own blood.

We had a rack at the end of the hall with a family’s worth of masks on it. I used to wear mine out in the backyard all the time — it was my space helmet. One day I decided to find out how it worked, so I took a can opener and opened up the filter (thereby ruining it). In any event, I found out what was inside it — charcoal, paper filters and different layers of crystals, including, I think, potassium permanganate.

Before they would squirt mustard gas onto a battlefield, they had some other stuff called chloropicrin, a dust that induced vomiting — they called it “puke stuff.” The dust would creep around the edges of the soldier’s mask, causing him to vomit. If he didn’t take his mask off, he could drown in his own spew, and if he did — to let the chunks out — the mustard gas would get him.

I was always amazed that people got paid to figure out how to do this stuff.

So now, about a week after Baltimore turned down honoring its own beloved former governor, mayor and comptroller William Donald Schaefer with a statue of his own, the city has accepted and will erect the 15-foot monument to Zappa. Perhaps this had something to do with Baltimore Mayor Sheila Dixon’s decision last summer to issue a proclamation announcing August 9, 2007 as Frank Zappa Day in Baltimore. Does Baltimore have a Willie Don Schaefer Day or is that an honor only bestowed posthumously?

At any rate, Havre de Grace has its statue of General Lafayette, Aberdeen has/had its statue of Cal Ripken, Jr., Bel Air has its strange, orange piece of New Age art outside Barnes and Noble bookstore, but what does Edgewood have? OK that was too much of a setup for too many punchlines, but wouldn’t a 15-foot Zappa look great on the side of Route 40 in Edgewood? I mean the guy has celestial bodies and a urinary tract infection named after him and a spider named in honor of his moustache.

For those who doubt me, behold:

- After his death, an internet campaign to the International Astronomical Union’s Minor Planet Center led to an asteroid being named in his honor: 3834 Zappafrank, the asteroid having been discovered by Czech astronomers in 1980.

- Another asteroid was named after him in 1996 (16745 Zappa).

- A number of animals have been named after Zappa including:

- a goby fish (Zappa confluentus),

- a jellyfish (Phialella zappai),

- an extinct mollusc (Amauratoma zappa) and

- a spider with an abdominal mark supposedly resembling Zappa’s mustache (Pachygnatha zappa).

- The ZapA gene of Proteus mirabilis, a microbe that causes urinary tract infections is named after Zappa.

It’s time to bring Zappa back where he belongs - Edgewood.

From my lower lip to my chin there was nothing but serrated flesh, it had been completely ripped apart - gaping wide open - revealing my gums and the jagged dentin that remained. My smile no longer ruled. Just raw nerves totally exposed, and shocked as hell to be disconnected from their dominion. My jaw was now gazing out in all its glory and menacing in a world where it had no business and I would surely pay the price. It was a freakish and bloodied mess. What had I done?

“Thank God, she must have blacked out,” I heard someone say. Who are they talking about? I was lying on this cold hard road, rocks poking me in all the wrong places. Where am I? The next thing I know, I was on top of a flat board. My body, bruised and battered. My thoughts mangled worse than the twisted steel that wrapped cordially around the telephone pole. The scissors clawed at my clothes, first pressing against each of my legs to cut my jeans and then on my belly to remove my sweater - off they came. I could feel the razor-sharp brisk air envelop my stark naked body. Then I am swiftly covered to keep me from freezing. The blanket that rested on me was so heavy, it could have carried the weight of my troubles. Or maybe it was so dense because soon they’d be taking me to get x-rays. No matter, it was warmth for me now. Here, in the middle of this cold December night.

During this time of crisis I thought of some of the zaniest things: No, no - please not my good jeans - they make me look one size smaller. Please, not my brand new winter coat - I just got that. SAVE IT! Shit, I don’t have underwear on! Mom is going to kill me if I don’t die from this accident. Am I going to die? I was completely mindless to my mother’s cardinal rule: always wear clean underwear in case you get in accident…and here I am, in an accident - I had blown it. These rambling thoughts came to me as my body laid there senseless, motionless. My mind was blazing.

Meanwhile my head was conformed to a straight jacket of sorts, a type of head muzzle to keep me from moving. And I was confined to looking straight ahead, which happened to be up at that particular moment, peering in on this black night sky. The stars, on a crystal clear night catch you looking and scream out - look at me! Look at me! Why don’t I pay more attention to them? But the rest of my body was just numb. Tremors shuddered through me and then I puked. Some of the puke was rolling onto me, dripping off my chinless wound and onto the blanket now. All I could do was probe with my eyes, head and body strapped down - looking dead on to the big dipper.

Thankfully, my eyesight was working at 100%, that is - when they were actually open. I was trying to make sense of what was going on around me. And it was useless. I would come in and out of consciousness, like watching snippets of a movie as you fall in and out of sleep. Only this time being awake meant horrific and excruciating pain piercing through me continuously, my brain working to ration the misery. The accident happened so fast but immediately following, the world around me moved in slow motion. I could hear the helicopter blades motor nearby, pulsating through the air. The dust and debris disturbed on this night. Oh God - what had I done?

The man asked me repeatedly, “What is your name?” Each time I heard him, but the answer strained to come out of me. Finally I answered out loud and began to feel panic overwhelm me. He must’ve known what I was thinking because he said, “Don’t worry, you’re going to be okay. We’ll take care of you.” I was unconscious the whole trip, flying high to the University of Maryland Shock Trauma downtown, while the world slumbered somberly beneath me.

The institutional lights were blinding, but the metallic stars and spots that appeared on the under side of my eyelids soothed me. I was being wheeled in a hospital now and the people surrounding my bed were whispering. I had gadgets and lines hooked to me from damn near every orifice owned, or so it seemed. I could barely hear these people- had my other senses gone mad and abandoned me? At least I could still see, although for the time being it was limited to dead ahead. Turn the lights out! I could taste dried blood take refuge in my mouth. Remnants from my night’s worth of beverage choices lingered. The overpowering stench of alcohol mingled with the vomited liquor and confirmed that my sense of smell and taste were in tact. I needed to whet my whistle right now. And that very thought provoked more soluble chunks to rise up again. I wanted no part of this. Finally I heard the people around my bed speaking, working.

My tongue probed its way around the inside and outside of my mouth trying to assess the damage. It was an impossible task. The ravaged and fleshy wound was raw from this savage attack. What had I done?

I was totally hammered, I blew something so ridiculous on the breathalyzer test that I blocked that out too. And I was stone cold sober when I heard that news. The alcohol consumption alone should have left me for dead. My car totaled, my life a wreck. I cannot imagine what would have happened if I had implicated another life. It started out innocent enough with a beer or two at a Christmas party, no big deal. I had final exams that week in my sophomore year of college and maintained a full-time job and a part-time job as a full-time student. In addition, I was socially active and thought I could do it all and have it all. The shots of Jack Daniels during a friendly game of quarter put me over the edge though and paralyzed my thinking process this night. I never even liked Jack! The aroma of it is so potent that it still triggers me to this very day; singeing my nostril hairs, making my body cringe, reminding me of the scene.

Then I see my parents walking toward me in the hospital. I was 21 now, one month into the whole legally drinking thing. My Father and Mother come to me and are there by my side. In and out my mind fades. Mom could barely look at me but when she does I see terror come over her. All my business was out there for them to witness - their baby: gaping jaw; jagged, missing teeth; cocktail chunks slithering, lingering about and the nauseating fragrance that even I couldn’t stand. Their baby, bloodied and completely exposed, awaiting surgery. “Why didn’t you call?” I hear my Dad ask as tears gather in his eyes. My eyes fill and then it really, truly dawns on me: look at what I have done!

Inside my mind races and I am shouting: I am sorry. I am so sorry. I don’t know why I didn’t call. I don’t know why! I am so sorry. I’m an idiot. Please, please don’t be mad. Please. I love you guys! But nothing comes out.

This was the parental nightmare for them. The phone call in the middle of the night. A 3 a.m. wakeup call, your daughter has been air lifted to shock trauma, the car has been totaled. They imagine the worst, nothing short of death. No warning, no reason - my own stupidity. And I lose time again because for that moment the physical pain becomes secondary to the emotional pain that I caused. Still, my paralyzed body relaxes somewhat because I can feel my Mom and Dad clutching my hands tight. They are scared for me now but they are here.

I was in oral surgery for more than four hours, but it felt as though it had been days. They could not give me any anesthesia or drugs to numb me because of all the alcohol I consumed. They were taking the teeth they had collected from the scene, and almost like an experiment, jamming them back into their rightful sockets. Some could not be saved. I continued convulsing and puking throughout this time as my body was feeling the brunt of the trauma. Agony shuddered through me. It was like a living hell and my body trembling and in shock. My nerves were ripe and tender and my belligerent screams for mercy rumbled through the unusually quiet halls of the hospital that night like an isolated thunderstorm rolling through on a bright, sunny afternoon. Blanking in and out because I was delirious with pain, suffocating from the stench of myself and intoxicated by this tremendous guilt.

Why didn’t I call?

Guthrie, a Democrat representing the Edgewood and Joppatowne area, passed the picture along to a small group of associates and, upon further inquiry, explained the photo opportunity came in mid-February when Sen. Clinton made a stop at the General Motors Allison Transmission Plant in White Marsh.

Dion, formerly known as ‘The Lone Democrat’ until a second Democrat, Mary Ann Lisanti, was elected to the Republican-dominated Harford County Council, might be best known for his role in Aberdeen native Cal Ripken Jr.’s final game at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. As a refresher, here’s how The Daily Record summed it up in November 2001:

Dion Guthrie chauffeured Cal Ripken Jr. around Orioles Park at Camden Yards after the Iron Man’s final game last month. After the drive, Guthrie got Ripken to sign a ball from the 1983 World Series. Now Guthrie and the O’s are at odds over the ball.

At any rate, Guthrie is a down-to-earth guy who seems to have a knack for getting face time with the most important person in the room. So what did the two Democratic powerhouses discuss? Guthrie said they were “talking about my recent election WIN in the Primary as a Delegate to the Democrat Convention in Denver in August supporting Hillary.”

Does this help Hillary out any? Does it help Dion?

Here is the press release from the event, which curiously doesn’t mention Guthrie:

It was a beautiful Election Day in Havre de Grace on Tuesday; it seems like it is every year, although maybe that’s because I still have lingering frostbite from the frigid Aberdeen Election Day of this past November.

This was a strange election for Havre de Grace, really unlike any other I can remember from my 8 years or so covering elections in Harford County. There were no issues that truly caught traction, no real spats or bad blood between any of the candidates (at least none which was spilled publicly) and no one running for office with a bold plan for change.

With that in mind, there was mixed sentiment about the 1,029 votes cast Tuesday in the election. Some were thrilled to at least see that 1,000 people in the city cared enough to vote in a non-mayoral year, while others pointed out there were many thousands more in Havre de Grace who couldn’t be bothered, even on a beautiful spring day, to come out and vote.

The absentee and provisional ballots still need to be counted and the official results won’t be read until the May 19 city council meeting, but the outcome of this race isn’t going to change – Miller, Martin and Cullum will soon be sitting at the dais as city councilmen.

Now, without further ado, here are some quick observations gleaned from a few hours spent Tuesday on Pennington Avenue:

- Sunday night’s candidate forum at the city police station was said to have been something of a bust. At least one of the candidates was out of town and couldn’t participate and estimates put it at maybe 15 people who attended. There has already been some rumblings about getting some new, unaffiliated faces to step up and organize a forum next year. Anyone interested in seeing how a Dagger-hosted forum would turn out? I can tell you one thing, a Dagger forum wouldn’t be held at 8 p.m. Sunday – commencing 36 hours before the polls open.

- John Correri may be on a losing streak, having dropped 3 consecutive races in bids for Harford County Council, Havre de Grace Mayor and now Havre de Grace City Council, but don’t feel sorry for him. He went through a very rough period recently with a health scare and the death of his mother, but is back on his feet, looking and feeling better than ever. Seriously, it was a warm day and John is a big boy, but he was smiling and moving around like I’ve never seen before. Correri told me he decided to run for office when someone from city hall pointed out only two other people had filed. He knew his chances weren’t all that good, but Correri was having a great time Tuesday waving and talking to people. It was hard not to cheer for the guy.

- Dagger faithful RichieC made an appearance and spent some time talking with the few candidates who had refused, until that point, to address the beleaguered boater’s concerns. I’m told at least one candidate had a lengthy, rational discussion with RichieC, the two were actually able to come to an understanding and RichieC left happy. Imagine that, someone addressing the concerns of a would-be constituent instead of ignoring or running from them and it actually resulted in a positive outcome – who would have thought?

- Every year there is one candidate who outworks, outhussles, outlasts, outwits and outsurvives his competitors. This year that candidate was Bill Martin and he was rewarded with a seat on the city council for the next two years. Martin had the kind of second-degree sunburn on his face that only develops after spending about 12 hours a day outside for a few weeks. An interesting anecdote he passed along: Martin’s campaign had about 7,200 postcards printed and sent out to all the registered voters in Havre de Grace. Each postcard had his web site address printed on the front and back along with a message urging those holding the postcard to log on and visit him on the Internet. So how many of the 7,200 people actually visited Martin’s web site? In total, 32 people. Also, Martin wanted to set the record straight on those who were certain his landslide victory in the Dagger pre-election poll was a result of him mobilizing his Aberdeen Middle School students to log on and vote. As Martin correctly pointed out, that Dagger poll wasn’t posted online until Friday night and Martin was already bringing in big numbers well before he and his students returned to class Monday morning.

- One-time council candidate Kalman Reigelhaupt spent much of the day beside City Councilman Jim Miller, but took some time to talk politics, local and national, with a former local newspaper editor. While he wouldn’t say specifically why he decided to drop out of this year’s race, Kal mentioned that he was getting tired and old – but that he could probably still have torn up all the candidates in the race. I’d have to agree. For those of you who know Kal only as the scruffy, grumbling guy who stumbles into and out of city council meetings on his own clock, there’s much that you’re missing. There’s something to be said for ‘new blood,’ but Reigelhaupt is almost literally from a dying breed and his perspective and local history lessons alone should be very valuable to Havre de Grace and it’s elected officials.

- Although he garnered the fewest votes among the field of candidates, Jim Walker didn’t seem to mind much. He was happy just to be able to spend a beautiful day off work with his wife and family. Walker also framed the race and his candidacy in an interesting way. They way he saw it, there were the 3 ‘new blood’ candidates endorsed by the local newspaper and the 3 ‘old guard’ candidates purportedly supported by Harford County Executive and former Havre de Grace Mayor David Craig. And then there was Candidate 7 – Jim Walker – who said he had no allegiances or alliances and didn’t fall into either of the ‘new blood’ or ‘old guard’ contingents. It’s an interesting strategy to remain completely unattached to any group or issue, but it also leaves you without a built in constituency – as Walker saw when he brought in just 174 votes.

- There was no repeat of last year’s performance when failed city council candidate Buddy Schweers backed his truck up into a telephone pole in the middle of the parking lot outside the voting booths, but there was a little excitement of the same ilk. Apparently, a car backed up into another car in the same parking lot, but the damage wasn’t serious and there were no injuries.

- For all the talk of there being no bad blood between any of the candidates, there sure was a lot of grumbling and whispering along Pennington Avenue on Election Day. Several of the ‘old guard’ candidates grumbled about how the ‘new blood’ is celebrated each year as the change Havre de Grace needs and a few of the ‘new blood’ candidates rolled their eyes and whispered about how some of the more ‘seasoned’ candidates should know when to call it quits. Despite being crammed into a smaller area, there were also surprisingly few instances of candidates arguing over tent location or sign placement.

- Recognizable faces in the crowd:

County Executive David Craig greeted me and then later scolded me when he mistakenly thought I was jotting down something he had just mumbled under his breath.

Mayor Wayne Dougherty met with each candidate at their tents before the results were announced and was among the first to congratulate the winners and console the losers after the fact. City Council members Randy Craig and Barbara Ferguson made the rounds as well, but I didn’t see fellow council members Steve Gamatoria, Garrett Lyttle or Joe Kochenderfer while I was around.

The wife and family of Aberdeen City Councilman Mike Hiob were out in full force and each was wearing a Bill Martin shirt. I have it from a good source that Hiob’s son, Adam, might have Martin as a government teacher at Aberdeen Middle School. But where was the pater familias on election night? Apparently, Mike Hiob was at some kind of function for Del. Mary-Dulany James and didn’t get a chance to celebrate Martin’s victory with the rest of his family.

Anyone else have any interesting observations to share?

Just over 1000 voters cast their ballots Tuesday night. How does this compare to the poll that we ran here over the weekend on The Dagger? 80 people “voted” on The Dagger, which is a pretty good sample size. Here were the final results of our poll:

Anderson -16
Correri -10
Cullum -20
Gamatoria -7
Martin -52
Miller -16
Walker -5

Hmm, maybe CNN and FoxNews should be calling us for our predictions in the national race?

For those who want a final look at the candidates, a forum has been organized for Sunday night at 8 p.m. in the Havre de Grace police station. We’ve also compiled some information here on each of the candidates and are offering Dagger readers, regardless of whether they live within the municipal boundaries of Havre de Grace, to cast your votes now for which three candidates you would like to see as the next Havre de Grace City Council members.

Let’s review what we know so far about these contenders.

Barry Anderson: A former assistant to former city mayor Gunther Hirsch, Anderson is a constant presence around city elections, but this time he’s running for office himself. Here’s a letter Anderson provided along with his answers to some questions posed by The Dagger:

I love Havre de Grace! I love its quirks, its history and its wonderful people!

I am running for City Council because I care about my City and I want to be the dog in the fight for the future of Havre de Grace.

I moved to Havre de Grace in 1990; moved my mom, Rie Anderson, to the City from Silver Spring, MD; married a local businesswoman, Genevieve DiGiovanni, in 1995. Mom passed away here in 1999.

As the Regional Director, Region III, U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, in Philadelphia, PA; I managed it from worst in the nation to third in three years.

As Chief Operating Officer of a national company providing fire protection life safety services to health care facilities; I successfully managed the company; overcoming $600,000 of debt and placing it in a positive profit position for the past two years. The best thing I did for the business was recruit Havre de Grace City Council President Steve Gamatoria to be the Director of Technical Operations.

As the Special Assistant to Mayor Hirsch for two years I accomplished many important projects adding value to the quality of life for City residents (See Attached Bio).

The most important issue the Mayor and City Council will face this next term is: What to do about the downturn in projected tax revenue caused by the failing economy and the mortgage/housing crisis?

New housing starts are down in the City. State deficits will keep us from getting much money from the O’Malley administration. The Federal government has its own problems with 9.3 trillion dollars of debt. And, the cost of Havre de Grace City government has risen significantly since 1998.

1. The number of City employees has increased from 90 to 120 positions in 10 years. More than 15 of these new positions are in the Police Department.
2. Personnel costs are a very large part of the City’s increasing day to day operating budget: the institutionalized 6% per year upward creep of City wages; the ever rising costs of employee health plans; City funded employee retirement; taken together.
3. Deferred maintenance of streets and other City infrastructure, caused by imprudent decisions of the past to delay this work, must be dealt with now and important Capital projects must be budgeted for the future.

The Mayor and City Council are faced with deciding between: cutting services; cutting the costs of services (employees); raising taxes; cutting necessary Capital projects; or, doing something else…whatever that may be; or, doing nothing?

I believe my experience in business and government and having made important decisions like this make me the smart choice for the City Council.

The second issue facing the Mayor and City Council is: What to do about water and waste water?

It is well settled that whoever controls water, controls their destiny. Havre de Grace has the water; therefore, the people of Havre de Grace should control their destiny.

We need an intelligent plan to deal with the water needs of the City and its future expansion plans. We also need to decide if or what role we want to play in connection with the growth and development of our neighbors. What shall we do about the costly enhancements to the wastewater plant now in progress? Sure the State has pledged $18 million, but what about the long term payback of the balance of the $45-50 million committed to by the City? This question may be our most daunting.

I believe my experience with the City government and business; my good analytical and decision making skills make me the smart choice for the City Council.

The third issue soon confronting the Mayor and City Council is: What do we do about the “MOE”; that is, the development of the land at the Interchange of I95 and Route 155?

Do we allow the building of a Commercial Retail Center (CRC) or one more Shopping Center as a “gateway” to our City? How will it impact the rest of the City? Don’t we already have the infrastructure on Route 40? Aren’t we trying to upgrade the Route 40 corridor? What about downtown? What happened to “Smart Growth”? Who will pay for the necessary upgrades to the Havre de Grace Exit?

I believe my experience in: community and economic development; Havre de Grace City planning; writing the final update of the City’s 1996 Comprehensive Plan and the original application for the Enterprise Zone; bring an experienced, informed, balanced, historical perspective to this issue, and, again make me the smart choice for City Council. I say no to the JDH development.

Please consider voting for Barry Anderson for City Council on May 6, 2008.

Gratefully,

Barry Anderson

555 Giles Street

Havre de Grace, MD 21078

Barrisimo1234@aol.com

410-939-4888

Growing, Growing, Gone: (Take two minutes to describe your personal position on growth and how Havre de Grace should proceed with new development/annexations? What about the mixed-office zoning situation at Route 155 and I-95 Interchange - how would you like to see that highly visible property developed? Give us your vision of what Havre de Grace should look like in the next decade.)

I have consistently supported plans for an Office Park & Signature Hotel and Conference Center at this unique Gateway to the City. I wrote this portion of the Comprehensive Plan in 1995. See the Plan, that’s my vision for the City.

Downtown: (In two minutes, tell us how, if you were in office, you would have handled the downtown parking situation with regard to the water plant project? For those who were in office, what might you have done differently? Is the situation rectified?

This whole line of questions are so not important that to answer them would give them more weight than they require.

Will there be enough parking for downtown Havre de Grace heading into the busy spring/summer/tourism/LPGA seasons?

Who cares? We should be grateful for so much downtown business activity to worry about not enough parking.

How important is the downtown area to the city as growth and commerce extends outward to its municipal boundaries?

Again, See the Comprehensive Plan we gave the vision for the downtown business community.

The problem is that the City Administrations of the past have not bought into that vision nor have most of the current retail business owners. We need to recognize who we are and we are not. We need high end boutique shopping downtown. Look how well Island Jack, Par Excellance and other such high end businesses are doing! That is our future in downtown retail.

A Safe Public: (Take two minutes to talk about public safety) How safe is Havre de Grace?

Safe! Major crime is down 13% from last year.

Is the city’s Independence Day ‘horror’ of a few years ago just a distant memory?

We’ll see.

It seems like the mayor and council have been giving the police department adequate funding, but what areas need improvement?

The current Administration has made upgrading the Police Department and increasing staffing a priority. I agree with that. We need to come up with some creative financing, home purchase assistance and/or tax reduction /credit programs to keep police employees living in town. But, we need to be careful that we watch that it doesn’t break the bank.

Do you see gang activity?

No.

Downtown crime?

No.

Increase in rental units bringing an unsavory element up on the hill?

No.

Lawlessness in the city marina?

No

Anywhere in the city you are afraid to walk?

City Hall

Making an Impression: (Please take two minutes to recall a random story about Havre de Grace, tell a self-deprecating joke, demonstrate a hidden talent, or otherwise exhibit something you’d like viewers/voters to remember you by)

Once upon a time……. No! Stop! Look at me. Now I am dancing and singing. I should be on American Idol.

John Correri: A former city councilman who became mayor by default when the position suddenly became vacant. He had been in elected office for longer than 25 years before getting trounced in bids for a Harford County Council seat and last year’s election to keep the mayor’s position. Correri has not been in contact with The Dagger.

Fred Cullum: A retired Aberdeen Proving Ground firefighter who also serves as vice president of the Susquehanna Hose Company, Cullum served six terms on the Havre de Grace City Council before deciding to run for mayor last year and subsequently getting booted out of city hall for the first time since 1995. Here is some information Cullum provided to The Dagger:

For those who may not know who I am:

I am Fred Cullum and I am a candidate for Havre de Grace City Council. I am a life long resident of Harford County and I have resided in Havre de Grace since 1969. I have been married to my wife, Kathy, for 40 years. I am 58 years old and on December the 31st of 2006, I retired from the Aberdeen Proving Ground Fire Department as a Battalion Chief with 33 and ½ years of service.

Since 1969 I have been, and remain, an active member of the Susquehanna Hose Company. During my 38 years with the Company I have been elected to all administrative offices and most fire line offices. I currently hold the office of Vice President. I also serve as a member of the Board of Directors of the Lower Susquehanna Heritage Greenways.

In May of 1995 I was elected to the Havre de Grace City Council and was subsequently re-elected 5 times, serving six consecutive terms over a 12 year period from 1995 thru 2007. During those 12 years I was elected by my fellow Council members to serve as Council President 3 times. Obviously, I was not a “rubber stamp” or a “go along to get along” person and I must have been doing a good job representing the citizens or I would have not been re-elected to five consecutive terms. Havre de Grace City elections are never short on candidates, and I never ran unopposed. In the 2007 election I chose not to seek re-election to the Council but instead ran unsuccessfully for the office of Mayor.

After leaving office I have continued to be involved with the city, having been immediately appointed to the Task Force to study the operation of the City Water and Sewer Operations and make recommendations to the Mayor for changes that would make those operations more efficient. I was then appointed to serve on the city Water and Sewer Rate Review Task Force. I was also immediately appointed to serve on the City Planning Commission as well. Should I not be successful in my quest to return to the Council I will continue to attend Council meetings regularly and serve in what ever capacity I can, to help keep Havre de Grace the best place to live, work and play.

I am seeking election once again to the City Council because I feel I have much to offer in experience and lessons learned. I understand the feeling of some that we need new blood and new ideas in these elected positions. However, I also feel that experience and knowledge of the operation of the City, as well as the history of the issues dealt with can be a tremendous asset.

The question of how much time does it take to be a Council person, depends on how much time each individual has or wants to put into it. The more time one can devote, obviously, the better they can represent the citizens. In today’s world, council members need to be available for numerous meetings, many of which are during normal business hours. There are some who find it strange when I say I want to return to the council because “I enjoyed it and I miss it”. My view is that, as with anything you do in your life, if you don’t enjoy doing it, you probably don’t or won’t do it well. Holding elected office certainly is not for everyone, as so many who have ran and been elected who then couldn’t wait for their term to end, have found out.

I could go into a long list of things that I have been involved with, accomplished or been responsible for over the course of my tenure on the Council but nothing is ever accomplished (good or bad) by one alone, it is a team effort that always requires a majority vote. There were many things however, that I was the leader on and was able to get the support of fellow council members and did accomplish.

Although I have no desire to hold elected office outside the City of Havre de Grace, I understand the need to develop and maintain a working relationship with our elected officials in other Cities and Towns as well as the County, State and Federal level. Over the course of my time on Council I have pursued these relationships by being active in the Maryland Municipal League in Annapolis. I served for several years as a member of the Maryland Municipal League’s Legislative Committee and also served on the League’s Board of Directors. I was elected to the office of Vice President of the local Harford-Cecil Chapter. The Maryland Municipal League is extremely helpful to local elected officials in providing data and statistical information when requested. Many times we find that an issue or problem that we may confront has already been dealt with by another municipality and the information they can provide can be of great use.

My campaign for City Council, as was my very first, is based on my desire to provide the Citizens of Havre de Grace with good Common Sense Decisions based on consideration of all the information possible, with fair and equal representation to all.

Should anyone like to contact me for more information my email address is a65vair@aol.com and my phone number is 443-807-7026 .

Fred H. Cullum

Joe Gamatoria: The nephew of incumbent city councilman Steve Gamatoria, who announced he would not be seeking re-election due to personal reasons. Here were some of Gamatoria’s answers when I asked him about his job, his age and whether we would have seen him run if his uncle were still on the ticket:

I am 26 years old, Director of Operations for the Pats Pizzeria Restaurant group, and a volunteer with Susquehanna Hose Company. I was very active in elective politics at Havre de Grace High until I graduated in 1999. I attended Harford Community College and have taken some classes at the University of Maryland (MFRI). I have decided to run for office for several reasons, most notable is the fact that I would like to see the ideas in the Comprehensive Plan for HdG come to fruition. I would like to continue the hard work of my uncle Steve and introduce several ideas of my own. Since I am 26, and the charter states that you must be 25 years old to run for elected office I was unable to run until now. I’m not sure if there will ever be a ticket with both of our names. We are not anywhere near that bridge. I appreciate your time and energy with this new medium of communication.

Bill Martin: An Aberdeen Middle School teacher and the brother of Mary Martin, the co-chair for Wayne Dougherty’s succesful mayoral election campaign committee last year, Martin has been hosting weekly sessions with the public in downtown Havre de Grace. From Martin’s web site:

My vision is for Havre de Grace to remain a great place to raise my kids. That it is the type of community that is safe, healthy, financially sound, and civically minded. I will work my hardest to preserve these values for our city. And I would hope that as we look towards the promise of the future, we will keep a watchful eye on our treasured past.

To uphold my vision, I will stand by the following principles:

• Public Safety- We need to keep Havre de Grace equipped with the best police force, fire department, and ambulance corps in Harford County. Funding and resources must continue to support these organizations key to the health and safety of Havre de Grace’s citizens.
• Arts and Culture - Havre de Grace offers a wealth of history and local culture. We need to continue to value and share these resources with our community and with our visitors. Local museums like the Lockhouse, the Decoy Museum, and the Maritime Museum continue to need our support, both financially and socially.
• Local Business - Our local businesses thrive in a vibrant waterfront downtown. We must continue to support our local businesses and allow them to grow and prosper in a way that will benefit all Havre de Grace citizens, consumers, and visitors.
• Community Events - Havre de Grace offers families a wealth of community events to participate in. With First Fridays, Children’s Art Festival, Seafood Festival, Easter Egg Hunt, July 4th Parade and Celebration, and countless more events, Havre de Grace families have a unique opportunity to come together in a small-town setting to celebrate and share family and community life. We must continue to support and enhance these events in order to make Havre de Grace an even greater place to live.
• Growth - Havre de Grace has the potential for great growth and prosperity in the coming years. I support intelligent, planned growth that will be beneficial to all the citizens of Havre de Grace, including businesses, families, and visitors to our great city.

Jim Miller: An incumbent city councilman finishing out his first full elected term in office (he was previously appointed to serve out the remainder of a term), here is a little of what Miller and I have talked about during this election:

“I have a lot of project that I have started that I would like to see completed.”
That being said. I am near the end of my first term as an elected City Councilman.

Last year I was Chairman of the Parks and Marina Committee. I was successful in convincing the Mayor and Council to install the New Bathroom at Tydings Park. Saving considerable funds by stopping the proposed structure. This project was fast tracked and a lot of effort was expended to get it done on time ahead of the start of the tourist season. There are plans to add bathrooms to the Lafayette Street Pumping Station as part of the upgrade to the Waste Water Treatment Plant. This will provide a convenient place for visitors to the lighthouse and the parkland next to it that is used for several festivals through out the year. In the near future plans are to install a facility behind the visitors center to service the downtown visitors and somewhere in the vicinity of Jean Roberts/David Craig Park once these facilities are developed.(3 to 5 years)

I revived a proposal that was shelved to place a pier near the Lighthouse. The city had potential grants to cover this and was in danger of losing the money. The pier is scheduled to have construction started this March. I contacted The Harford County Master Gardeners Club and they designed improvements for the recently acquired property next to the light house. The Club presented their plan to the Mayor and Council and hopefully the proposal along with other improvements to the area will be funded in this upcoming budget. The plan is to improve the looks of the area with native plantings and interpretive signs, maintaining as much open space for mini festivals. Upgrades to the electric and water service are planed as well.

I started discussions with Harford County Parks and Recreation to construct fields on the 57 acre City property off of Lagarret Lane. This project proposes the construction of a soccer / lacrosse / football field at the Havre de Grace Community Center. The existing parking and undeveloped area will be improved to create fields, practice area and parking. The County Executive included $1,625,000 funds in last years budget spread out over five years for this project. This year there was $75K for planning.

This year I serve as Chairman of the DPW Committee. We had a slow start this year with our paving program. Once we started we paved all of Market Street and two blocks of St. John Street. There were plans to pave Chapel Road last fall, but negotiations between the developers that were responsible for the road west of Oak Tree Drive broke down. The matter was finally resolved, but not before the weather turned bad. The current plan is to start on Chapel Road in the spring as soon as the Blacktop plants open back up. Also scheduled for the early spring is 100 - 400 blocks of Revolution Street and the 100 and 200 blocks of Girard. More streets will be added to the list when the new budget is approved in July.

One thing to remember. Havre de Grace has over 70 Miles of streets and lanes. All the streets in Havre de Grace will eventually be repaved. Some thought has to go into the planning. We have areas that have major infrastructure problems caused by polybutelene pipe. The city is aggressively working to replace these connections. We have streets where development is planned in the near future. We don’t want to pave a street until we fix the problems so we don’t have to dig up a new road.

Lilly Run. Last year the City let a contract with a engineering firm to develop a plan to finally address the flooding problem associated with Lilly Run. The project is in the early stages. We have established a dialog with many of the property owners along the stream bed and have had discussions with several State and Federal agencies. Hopefully we will start to see some progress next year.

James Walker: Walker ran for city council last year, lost and really hadn’t been heard from since - until he emerged to run for office again this year…only to once again disappear after he filed. I know he works at Aberdeen Proving Ground and was a pretty nice guy. The Dagger has not been in touch with Walker, though not for a lack of trying.

Here’s the city’s official notice of election:

CITY OF HAVRE DE GRACE NOTICE OF ELECTION

Notice of City Election– Havre de Grace City election at St. Patrick Hall, located on the 600 block of Pennington Avenue between Stokes and Juniata Street. An election for three members of the City Council for the City of Havre de Grace will be held on:

Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Polls will open at 7 a.m.
Polls will close at 8 p.m.

Qualification of Voters – All citizens of the United States eighteen years of age or upward who have resided in the City for thirty days preceding a municipal election and whose names shall appear upon the list of registered voters of the City shall be entitled to vote at any election held under the provisions of the Charter.

Absentee Ballots- Contact the Harford County Board of Elections Services, located at 133 Industry Lane, Forest Hill, MD, telephone 410-638-3565, to apply for and receive an absentee ballot. The deadline for absentee ballot requests by mail is April 29, 2008. After April 29, 2008, emergency absentee ballot applications must be obtained at the Election Office. The completed ballot must be returned to City Hall by 5:00 p.m. on Election Day, May 6, 2008.

In case you’ve missed any of the back and forth in the last month between some of the candidates, their supporters, detractors and Dagger readers, you can check them all out in this story.

I have been enamored with these ancient creatures as long as I can remember. I was even rewarded for being potty-trained with a trip to the Smithsonian Natural History Museum to see the bones (I remember that trip clearly, I mean I was 17). I had dinosaur sheets, shirts, and books galore. I also forced my mother to take me to the Maryland Science Center every spring when the animatronic T-Rex came to town. I am even currently reading Stephen Jay Gould’s, Bully for Brontosaurus.

Why am I not a Paleontologist? It was a combination of not liking the research and knowing that everything I would be working with was already dead. That was enough to keep me from digging holes for a living (though just barely).

That does not mean my passion for these amazing prehistoric animals faded. It just became a hobby and also gave me boundless (and annoying) information to spew out every time I watch Jurassic Park. Why then, am I writing about dinosaurs right now?

I was lucky enough to attend the opening night of “Walking with Dinosaurs” at First Mariner Arena on Wednesday. When I got the offer I jumped at it with just the mention of dinosaurs. All that day I was touting the fact that I was going to see this show, not knowing what to expect. I was so excited in fact that I was saying the show’s name too fast and people were asking me: “Walken with Dinosaurs? That will be awesome.”

No doubt seeing Christopher Walken with dinosaurs would be a show for the ages, but from what I know this would be a spin-off of the critically acclaimed Discovery Channel series. I just wondered how they would do it.

The verdict is in… they did it spectacularly. I was immediately impressed with the musculature. They looked and moved as my seven-year-old mind would have imagined them. For the smaller ones like the Utahraptor it appeared that the performers took a page out of the Lion King’s Broadway show’s playbook. There were most definitely slower than the real life incarnations would be and they had a heck of a time maneuvering the sauropods around, but I was mystified.

I sat there with my friend in the awe that gripped the slew of small children in the crowd, all the while reciting the names of the featured animals as they appeared on the floor.

“Here comes the Allosaurus.”

“That Pterosaur looks like it has a 30-foot wing span.”

“The Brontosaurus and Apatosaurus are really the same species.”

You get it. I am a dino-dork. The show did not lack in the cheese factor. The “paleontologist” that guided us through this trip 150 million years into the past was hamming it up, with good purpose. For the bigger kids in the audience (that is you adults) who do not share my obsession with the terrible lizards, he proffered forth some basic facts on the beasts, their history and their demise.

Still, there was some apprehension on my part because no matter how cool these things looked there was no ‘wow’ moment… until the Tyrannosaurus Rex took the stage to defend its baby (a six-foot tall baby that could eat any one of us) from an angry tag team in the form of a Torosaurus and Ankylosaurus.

The near 50-foot tall Tyrant Lizard roared once and the crowd screamed. I was immediately taken back to one of the happiest moments of my life. The first time I saw Jurassic Park. It was on the last day of school after the fifth grade with my mom. I had a terrible sun burn which prevented me from sitting back in my seat at Towson Commons.

Not that I would have wanted to sit back then. It was the first time I saw what I thought was a real dinosaur. I know it was classic Speilberg cinema magic, but it felt so real. I remember watching that movie in near tears. I loved these creatures and here they were, alive!

I was back there again, from the teeth jutting out of the top jaw to its monstrous roar (kudos to the First Mariner sound system for scaring the pants off everybody there). It was a real T-Rex. I was watching the most perfect (land) predator of the entire history of the Earth. At that moment I was terrified and excited. I was a little kid again.

Beside the overwhelming nostalgia I felt then, I took another message home with me. The show’s host told us “Do not mourn the dinosaurs.” This species, once so perfectly adapted to its world, was no more of course. Whether killed by cataclysmic comet collision or through evolution took to the air, they were gone.

Dinosaurs never reached a point in evolution where they became cognizant of their dominance. No species, save Homo sapiens, has reached that point. Does that mean we can avoid the fate they suffered? I am going to go out on a limb and say no. What it does mean, however, is that we have the ability and the power to realize our insignificance.

That is something I doubt our culture will ever achieve, let alone perfect, in the near or foreseeable future. While we are here though, we should aim to be good stewards of this spinning spaceship we call home.

Either way, this show was fantastic for kids, to dino-dorks to the novices out there, even if these are only “educated guesses” as to how these animals lived. You have until Sunday to catch it in town. You are on notice.

This war of attrition has been going on nearly since Hiob took office in November 2003 and was likely fueled by Hiob’s dislike for what he has called “sensational headlines” and “wrong information” in the paper and the newspaper’s dislike of Hiob’s propensity for verbose, minute and typically unwarranted/unjustified criticism - or nitpicking.

Hiob, 49, is known among his supporters and detractors alike as “Hollywood,” most likely due to his moonlighting as a frontman, lead singer, guitar player and harmonicist for several local bar bands. He is a former city council president who has never lost an election in his three successful bids for office in Aberdeen, but has been labeled a whiner, a stooge and worse by the local newspaper.

The Record, 141, is a weekly newspaper “serving Havre de Grace, Aberdeen Perryville and Port Deposit since 1868.” It has survived floods, fires, tough political and financial climates and, in the interest of full disclosure, has employed no fewer than nine (9) current members of The Dagger.

The battle, small town politician vs. small town newspaper, raged in recent weeks when Hiob criticized the periodical during a public meeting for screwing up an editorial or something like that. That Friday, Hiob saw his comments and statements turned into a headline in that week’s The Record. A week later, Hiob was fodder for the paper’s editorial cartoon. Monday night, Hiob fired back with the following, a copy of which was provided to The Dagger:

Aberdeen City Councilman Mike Hiob’s Top 12 uses for “The Record”:

12.) Starting recreational campfires to roast marshmallows at “family outings”.

11.) A classic method of wrapping “fresh fish” for transportation between the market and home.

10.) Constructs papier mache’ projects at home with “the kiddies”!

9.) Relieves daily stress by using it as a “word search”, circling many grammatical and spelling errors.

8.) Washing dirty windows the “old fashioned” way.

7.) To support Aberdeen’s recycling program, places it directly into the curbside recycling bin, where the City receives $30.oo per ton! (1.5 cents per pound)

6.) When shipping “items of value”, crumples it up and uses it as packing material.

5.) Protects flooring from “splatter” during weekend painting projects.

4.) Keeps a running tab on “The Record” reporter and editor “retention” and compares it to Aberdeen Mayor & Council Members post election “retention”.

3.) Enjoys hearing that local “reporters” spend countless hours on “The Dagger” blog searching for “their” next headline.

2.) Rolls it up and uses it to “swat flies”.

1.) Marvels at editorial cartoons depicting the “best uses” of their newspaper by an Aberdeen City Councilman.

Small-time feud or necessary evil, is it important for local politicians and local media to clash? Is it in the best interest of the community for the paper or the elected official to keep up the fight? Any bets on who might win this war? Is it worth tuning in to see the newpaper’s certain rebuttal?

It is truly remarkable what a difference two (2) years can make.  If we could journey back to ‘2006’, Marylanders were in a state of disgust over the imminent increases in energy costs.  Demanding change in Annapolis, the State elected a new Administration that promised to thwart energy hikes and cut taxes on both personal income and property for middle-income Marylanders. Surprisingly enough, Marylanders elected this new Administration despite a 60% approval rating of former Governor Ehrlich’s performance during his term.  

Now, two (2) years later and under the Leadership of Governor O’Malley, Maryland received a “change”.  Unfortunately, Governor O’Malley has delivered a “change” - unexpected and undesirable to Marylander’s expectations.  In only his first term, Governor O’Malley raised all three (3) of its major tax rates.   

“We have seen no record of any state having raised all three of its major tax rates in one fell swoop, but Maryland has done just that,” said Bill Ahern, referring to the hikes in the sales tax, corporate income tax, and the personal income tax.  Mr. Ahren, the author of Maryland Flouts Regional Tax Competition with Historic Tax Hike, a study, conducted for the Tax Foundation.

During Special Session, the Governor introduced a tax proposal that was approved by the General Assembly.  This proposal was the largest tax increase ($1.4 billion) in State history (with the most tax categories ever raised in a single legislative session).  The reason for the tax increases, was to resolve the State’s budget shortfalls – these shortfalls were the result of  Governor O’Malley’s budget for the ‘2008’ fiscal year.  At no time was there any serious attempt to control spending, in fact, the Special Session created $128 million in net new spending. 

Additional spending was further proposed and approved under the Governor’s submitted budget for the ‘2009’fiscal year.  Increased state spending totaled $31.5 billion in ‘2009’; this was an increase of $1.8 billion or 5.9% from ‘2008’.

To recover the estimated $200 million that the computer services tax was to generate in state revenue, a new 6.25% tax will be imposed on Maryland taxpayers who make more than a million dollars a year.  This new tax will be the eighth (8th) tax rate and bracket on personal income for Marylanders.  The actual tax rate for most Maryland income over $1 million will total to 9.45% (this includes the new 6.25% rate on income over $1 million and local income tax).

Wealthy Marylanders are not the only ones suffering from the new changes brought by the new Administration, individuals making income from $50,000 to $100,000 have felt the effects.  According to the study, “middle-income taxpayers are still more heavily taxed in Maryland than any other state in the region.”  In fact, there are now only five (5) states in the U.S.-California, Hawaii, Iowa, Maine, and Oregon, where a couple with $75,000 in taxable income might be in a higher tax bracket than an average Maryland couple.

In comparison to neighboring states, such as Delaware (6.82%), West Virginia (6.50%), Virginia (5.75%), and Pennsylvania (4.35%), Maryland ranks first for personal income tax rates for middle-income individuals as of January 1, 2008.3  The Maryland rate for middle-income workers is about 7.5% (4.75% state, plus 2.73% local).  The personal income rate in Maryland is contributed to the high local income taxes.  Maryland is one (1) of only fourteen (14) states that permit county-level income taxes and has much higher local tax rates than the other thirteen (13).

Exasperated by the new changes brought about by Governor O’Malley, many middle-income Marylanders are still waiting for the Governor to “cash in” on his promises he made two (2) years ago to cut property and income taxes during his election campaign.  These Marylanders should not be fooled that he will make “good” on such promises, now or during the remainder of his term, because when the General Assembly dismissed those tax cut ideas, the Governor made no issue of it.

These two (2) years under Governor O’Malley clearly provide an exercise of egregious political rhetoric, and false promises.  If the Governor does not hold himself accountable and redress these economic atrocities that he has placed on every Maryland taxpayer, the only “change” that could happen in two (2) years, is another change in Administrations.

                                                      Respectfully yours,  
J.B. Jennings

Member, House of Delegates  

Due to a new experimental investing strategy in the country, the economy has hit a recession. Investments have been the strength of the United States economy, so when this risky experimental investment started, many thought nothing of it. But now, as investors have clearly made bad decisions, the entire country is suffering. You may be asking yourself, what is this new investment strategy? Well, it is all the rage now to invest in celebrities. Since they make so much money, why not have them take on shareholders and boost their income while taking others along for the ride.

This was a great idea. But when this started some years back, a lot of investors sunk their money in big names like Britney Spears, Ben Affleck and Lindsay Lohan. With Britney’s unbelievable meltdowns, her investors are experiencing net losses. And those who went ahead and decided to invest in her little sister Jamie Lynn … well, they got double screwed. Sometimes mental instability can be an asset when investing in a celebrity, like Russell Crowe or Quentin Tarantino. But Britney has what we celebrity investors like to call “the wrong kind of crazy.” And her sister is on her way there, let’s face it.

With Ben Affleck, as soon as he stopped working with Matt Damon, his career went down the crapper. Case in point: Gigli, Paycheckand … well, there are clearly too many to name here. Some thought they could foresee a comeback for him with his recent music video about having sex with Jimmy Kimmel, but they were unfortunately wrong. What even intensifies his low performance on Wall Street is his marriage to Jennifer Garner, who appeared in such big screen stink bombs as Elektra and Daredevil. Damn, Affleck was in that too wasn’t he? The wounds are still too fresh from that one.

Lindsay Lohan was a hot stock for a while because she started out on the bad girl path. Hardcore investors liked this option because they could see her traveling the Paris Hilton route. But sadly, she showed up on too many occasions looking like a sloppy drunk party girl and then not showing up for work on time the next day. She tried to rebound by posing for nude pictures as a Marilyn Monroe look-alike. Sadly this just turned people off even more because this actress did Herbie The Love Bug. All Disney contracts are out of the question now.

All of these celebrities brought the economy crashing down with their poor decision-making and self-centered mental malfunctions. But this can all be fixed if people start recognizing the celebrities that should be invested in. Here are my tips for those future investments: Scott Baio (Joanie does love Chachie, and you should too in his recent reality show Scott Baio Is 46 And Pregnant where he himself is clearly not pregnant), Corey Feldman and Corey Haim (these two come as a package deal in a newer reality show since Feldman is carrying Haim’s career once again), Diddy (Because changing his name from P Diddy to Diddy will finally give him the ability to write rap songs that don’t suck) and David Beckham (Because getting paid ridiculous amounts of money to play a sport that is never watched in the U.S. is always a good sign of future earn ability).

By now you’ve hopefully figured out that what you just read is pure unadulterated B.S. That being said let me impart some real knowledge on you. I owe you that much for sticking it out for this long.

The truth of the matter is that Alan Greenspan came out and said that we are in a recession. Granted he is no longer the Chairman of the Federal Reserve, but many people still put a lot of stock in what he says. This, in combination with the Department of Labor’s recent numbers citing a loss of roughly 200,000 American jobs in the first three months of 2008, makes it hard to believe we are not in a recession. But at the same time, when the population believes we are in a recession, is that when it occurs? This could be true since pennies start getting pinched and businesses see less of their customers. Unless you are Wal-Mart, who gets even more business.

The implications of this recession (I am going ahead and saying we are in one) could be massive. When money becomes tight, local and small businesses tend to falter. Those that would try to start these days will not get the chance to take off. And those already established could end up going under as the masses freak out and think they should buy everything from Wal-Mart because it is cheaper.

But this behavior is dangerous as it gives Wal-Mart an even stronger hold on this country. And with a strengthening of such entities, it may eventually lead to the elimination of small business. This is a topic I could go on forever about, but I will spare everyone the Wal-Mart bashing and paranoid predictions of the failings of capitalism.

Bottom line is that we are in a recession. Whether it came about because of poor economic handling from the government or from our own minds, we may never know. But what we do know is that this smartass stands by Alan Greenspan in his assessment of the economic climate in the country.

Iran is not usually a country we look to in order to draw ideas from, especially fiscally driven ones. But it seems that they have an incredibly successful organ vendor program.

Transplant nephrologist Benjamin E. Hippen out of North Carolina recently published a paper called “Organ Sales and Moral Travails: Lessons From the Living Kidney Vendor Program in Iran.”

If you are shaking your head at this point asking if I am serious, indeed I am. Here are some excerpts from Dr. Hippen’s paper…

Insofar as the kidney procurement system in Iran can be characterized as a “market,” it is a highly standardized and regulated market with only modest room for negotiation. …

Vendors are paid in two ways. First, the Iranian government provides a fixed compensation to the vendor of approximately $1,200 plus limited health insurance coverage, which currently extends to one year after the exchange and covers only conditions deemed related to the surgery. Second, the vendor receives separate remuneration either from the recipient or, if the recipient is impoverished, from one of a series of designated charitable organizations; this amount is usually between $2,300 and $4,500. …

The most contentious disagreements in the literature regarding kidney vending in Iran have to do with the personal, physical, and financial consequences for vendors themselves. This issue is complicated by an absence of routine follow-up. …

Despite a flourishing kidney vendor program, biologically related donation has consistently constituted 12 to 13 percent of all donated kidneys, and that fraction has persisted in tandem with the rapid rate of growth in kidneys procured (without compensation to the donor’s estate or family) from deceased donors. …

Just how is this publication received by peers and other scholars? Honestly, what I have read has proven to be a mixed bag of comments. Although the data is there and abundantly proves to uphold the claim of organ vendors, it is out of Iran and that serves as strike one. Strike two? There is little or no follow up data on the recipients of the organs.

Dr. Hippin’s advice for the US on organ vending is rather rational and simple; although, I do not think it will ever have it’s time in the spotlight…

The portion of the National Organ Transplant Act of 1984 which prohibits the sale of organs should be repealed. … Because so much is still unknown regarding how organ sales would work in the United States, individual transplant centers and organ procurement organizations should be permitted to experiment with how to implement a system of organ vending.

What do you think about the opportunity to capitalize on human organs? If it was your family member at the bottom of that very long transplant list would you want an alternative solution? I have been there and we were fortunate to receive a kidney from a perished person that was thankfully and organ donor, but that is not to say that the majority of the situations end as such. Are you an organ donor?

via New York Times