Why Does Charm City Get The 15-Foot Statue Of Edgewood’s Own Rock Star Frank Zappa?

It was in Edgewood that Frank Zappa first inserted radioactive pellets into his nostrils. Now he’s being honored, sort of, with a 15-foot statue that was donated by his Lithuanian fans to the City of Baltimore. But why Baltimore? True, Zappa - the guitar-playing, anti-drug musician - was born in Charm City, but, as I’ve already mentioned, it was in Edgewood where he might have gotten off to his mind-bending start.

Let me get one thing off my chest from the get-go here, I’m much more a fan of Zappa’s story than I am his music. Blasphemy you say? Well, try to find a song of his that can compete with stories of his early life in Harford County. Zappa’s dad worked at what was then known as Edgewood Arsenal, but today is known as the Edgewood Area of Aberdeen Proving Ground. Zappa’s got some pretty good recollections from those days, including tasting DDT and wearing space helmets that left you to drown in your own vomit. Good stuff. Continue reading Why Does Charm City Get The 15-Foot Statue Of Edgewood’s Own Rock Star Frank Zappa?

“Do Not Mourn The Dinosaurs.” Instead, Let’s Try To Avoid Their Fate

Dinosaurs! The name itself infers impending awesomeness. It is derived from the Greek words ‘deinos’ (terrible) and ’saura’ (lizard). Already you know you are in for a show. Where do I find these terribly awesome lizards? Nowhere. You can find bones, fossils, footprints and even coprolites (fossilized poop).

I have been enamored with these ancient creatures as long as I can remember. I was even rewarded for being potty-trained with a trip to the Smithsonian Natural History Museum to see the bones (I remember that trip clearly, I mean I was 17). I had dinosaur sheets, shirts, and books galore. I also forced my mother to take me to the Maryland Science Center every spring when the animatronic T-Rex came to town. I am even currently reading Stephen Jay Gould’s, Bully for Brontosaurus. Continue reading “Do Not Mourn The Dinosaurs.” Instead, Let’s Try To Avoid Their Fate

Forget Wall Street, Invest In Something That Really Has Growth Potential - American Celebrity

This installment of Ask A Smartass will attempt to tackle a question that has been on the minds of many Americans these days: Is our country in a recession? Warning: if you hate to hear about money issues or you love capitalism with all of your heart, you may not want to proceed in reading.

Due to a new experimental investing strategy in the country, the economy has hit a recession. Investments have been the strength of the United States economy, so when this risky experimental investment started, many thought nothing of it. But now, as investors have clearly made bad decisions, the entire country is suffering. You may be asking yourself, what is this new investment strategy? Well, it is all the rage now to invest in celebrities. Since they make so much money, why not have them take on shareholders and boost their income while taking others along for the ride.

This was a great idea. But when this started some years back, a lot of investors sunk their money in big names like Britney Spears, Ben Affleck and Lindsay Lohan. With Britney’s unbelievable meltdowns, her investors are experiencing net losses. And those who went ahead and decided to invest in her little sister Jamie Lynn … well, they got double screwed. Sometimes mental instability can be an asset when investing in a celebrity, like Russell Crowe or Quentin Tarantino. But Britney has what we celebrity investors like to call “the wrong kind of crazy.” And her sister is on her way there, let’s face it. Continue reading Forget Wall Street, Invest In Something That Really Has Growth Potential - American Celebrity

A Dagger Wine Review: Bodegas Alma Negra

This article marks the first of many to come. Prepare yourself, because my long dreamed about fantasy has become a reality: writing wine reviews. With the assistance of Wine World in Abingdon, I will be bringing you my opinions on wines from around the world. And as every first article needs a starting point, I have mine: Bodegas Alma Negra, which is a red blend of malbec and bonarda from the Mendoza region in Argentina.

At first smell, the wine gives off an oaky and deep cherry aroma. Being a person who seldom enjoys heavy oaks in my wine, I became a bit skeptical. But once the first sip entered my mouth and danced around my taste buds, my eyebrows perked up and a smile quickly took shape. This is an exceptional wine. The oaky and heavy cherry aromas trick you into thinking this will be a strong drink to be wrestled with, but the taste speaks a different language. The oak serves as a backdrop to the luscious cherry flavor and the wine tastes surprisingly light. Continue reading A Dagger Wine Review: Bodegas Alma Negra

Spreading Ink: The Rise of the Suburban Tattoo Parlor in Maryland

Growing up in 1980s Harford County, I knew of only two kinds of people who had tattoos - members of the military and members of rebel motorcycle gangs.

Back then, the faded blue and gray images were largely unrecognizable in shape or design. Any lettering had long since bled into an amorphous set of unreadable characters. Tattoos weren’t considered artwork as much as they were branding - an anchor on the arm, an eagle on the back, the initials of a long lost love on the shoulder. It wasn’t pretty, but it was still rare enough that neighborhood children gathered around to gawk when the local biker rolled up his sleeves to work on his hog. It was still ink injected into skin. It was a tattoo.

Today, ink is everywhere. It is becoming rarer, at least in my circles, to meet someone who has a body completely untouched by ink. It’s virtually a requirement for a musician or actor to have some sort of body art done before they reach stardom. There are magazines, reality television shows and web sites devoted entirely to tattoos, the artists who create them and the bodies who serve as the canvas.

Long gone are the days when inked arms were reserved for hardened criminals and punk rockers. Let’s face it, tattoos have gone mainstream and they’re spreading like wildfire through suburbia. Continue reading Spreading Ink: The Rise of the Suburban Tattoo Parlor in Maryland

Broadcasting Crime: Should YouTube Be Held Responsible for Replaying Lawlessness?

We live in the world of 24/7, in your face, here-and-now media. And whilst I am the first to admit that I take full advantage of all news media being offered to me, ashamedly even Perez Hilton, I also think that there has to be a breaking point. There needs to be a line drawn clearly in the sand that says, “stop here and do not cross.” But is there?

Take for instance YouTube. Again, I am a fan, but the most recent controversy surrounding the network is rather bothersome. If the fact that eight Florida teenagers beating their peer and rendering her unconscious wasn’t enough to catch my attention in the news, how about the fact that I could watch the whole entire “animalistic” fight on YouTube?

Was it for five minutes of fame? Was it to empower themselves? I can not even begin to fathom what thought process would go behind something like that attack but I do know that they received the attention they were so desperately seeking. Continue reading Broadcasting Crime: Should YouTube Be Held Responsible for Replaying Lawlessness?

Remove At Your Own Risk: Can you get in trouble for taking the tag off a mattress?

Got a question burning a hole in your brain? If so, you’re in luck. Here’s your chance ask ‘Ask a Smartass.’ Urban legend, true mystery or idiotic pondering, I will attempt to tackle anything. So, without further ado, I kick off this column with a question most people should be familiar with:

Can you really get in trouble with the law by removing a mattress tag?

The answer to this is simply: Yes! In fact, this is one of the longest standing and most strictly enforced laws to be established since this great nation was born. The punishment for this infraction has varied throughout time. And now, in these “times of terror,” the government isn’t playing around. Continue reading Remove At Your Own Risk: Can you get in trouble for taking the tag off a mattress?

One in a Billion: What happens in Vegas…can be utterly embarrassing

LAS VEGAS, Nevada - Almost 2 years to the day I was back here in Las Vegas for the CES, The Consumer Electronics Show, the World’s Largest Trade Show (140,000 attendees and 1.8 million square feet of exhibit space with over 2,700 exhibitors).

Now the CES is THE center of the Universe for 4 days every January. This is where the new technology of consumer electronics is introduced and hyped. Many of the gizmos and gadgets trotted out at the CES in January make their way to market sometime in the months that follow.

Because the CES is such a big deal it is the place to see and be seen. Celebrities galore are there either as spokespeople for the various companies or as attendees themselves. In years past I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Joan Jett, David Ortiz, Michael Irving, Randall Cunningham, Marcus Allen, Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling, Mathew Polk, Michael Douglas, Donny Osmond, Jon Anderson of Yes, Little Steven, Todd Rundgren, Cal Ripken Jr., Brian Williams, Yoko Ono, Herbie Hancock, Gallagher, Roger Staubach, Gene Simmons, Snoop Dog, Tommy Shaw, James Young, Darryl “DMC” McDaniel, Jane Wiedlin, Terry LeBonte and Sinbad to name a few. Continue reading One in a Billion: What happens in Vegas…can be utterly embarrassing

Why I’m Sick To Death of Sly Stallone

As a writer and a movie-lover, I’ve long admired Sylvester Stallone’s brilliant early effort as the writer, star, and visionary behind the first Rocky movie.

Back then, a still-poor Stallone famously held out against studio offers that would have cast a more well-known actor as the lead while lining his pockets with a huge payday.  In the end, he got to make the movie he wanted; the result is a moody, realistic, and inspirational film.

In the decades since, Stallone has unapologetically rested on the laurels of his bold, early success.  There was one scene, I admit, in the latest installment of Rocky that got to me.  But that moment came well before the old fighter stepped into the ring and took his shirt off, where he quickly made Mark McGuire and Barry Bonds look like steroids taste-testers. Continue reading Why I’m Sick To Death of Sly Stallone

Clark Turner Day in Port Deposit: An “Extreme” Win-Win Situation

A good thing happened recently in Port Deposit.

I know that sounds far-fetched (I mean, previously, the best thing that ever happened to Port Deposit was getting mentioned on four separate instances by Ripley’s “Believe it Or Not”), but when ABC’s popular Extreme Makeover: Home Edition television show rolls into town it’s hard to get things wrong.

But they nearly did this time.

In mid-October the cast and crew of the show, which takes disadvantaged, underprivileged and otherwise down-on-their-luck families and heaps upon them a new mansion filled with untold riches, rolled into Cecil County to visit Freedom Hills Therapeutic Riding Program.

For a quarter-century the Luther family has operated its non-profit program, which offers horseback rides as a type of therapy for people with physical and developmental problems. Things took a turn for the worse about a half-year ago when family patriarch, Carl Luther, died leaving the rest of the family - mother Renee, son Alex and daughter Ellie - to keep the program alive and keep the bills paid. That’s where Extreme Makeover swooped in and saved the day. Sort of. Continue reading Clark Turner Day in Port Deposit: An “Extreme” Win-Win Situation

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